Today has been ok. For many days, I have not felt ok. I haven't been much fun to be around; I've felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable, OVERWHELMED, un-motherly, incapable, depressed, uneasy... etc... pick any bad feeling and I've probably been having it over the last few days. This morning I felt somewhat convicted about my attitude-- I'm going to try to put my mind in the right place every morning, starting today. At least I'm going to try. Motherhood is obviously what I've been called to do, and even if I didn't imagine myself doing it this early/suddenly with millions of (ok, 3) babies, I need to do it with all of my heart and without complaining.
I also have a very important mission that I need to embark upon as soon as possible. I want to start painting again. My goal is....*thinking*.... to have a single painting completed by Christmas. That's possible, right? I had a dream the other night that I was painting some picture and singing a bright eyes song (though it was very clear what it was when I woke up, I can't remember it now). It was the best dream I've had in some time, very calm and relaxing. That is what inspired me to start painting again actually, or at least gave me the desire to do so.
I'm also thinking about grad school again. At first I wasn't going to try to go for a while... but Justin and I were discussing it yesterday and decided that maybe I should try to get it done, since it would only be another year (if I went to UGA, USC or Clemson). We'll see.
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